!! Caution: Trigger warning !!
The following text is dealing with addiction. If you don't feel comfortable with that, for your own well-being, I would ask you not to read the text.
Just a quick heads up:
What I'm about to tell you in a sec
May be a bit to private
But at the same time very accurate
And with that, I wish you a pleasure full first taste of my text which bears the title:
Love on button press - When the pressure starts to excess
What comes to your mind when I say masturbation?
Are you team pleasure or disgust?
Are you thinking of someone else or maybe even yourself?
At home, presumably alone
Moaning, making, for your desire to thrive
Sorrow, a load - did that come to your mind?
Would have laughed, if it only created happiness inside
But it's not that easy and unfortunately not right
And someone realized that too,
Who is willing to talk about it
Right here
With you
It's not that long ago, but who is he
Maybe me?
13 years old?
Not so sure, never took notes
Back then, he had stress in school and stress at home
And how did he cope with that? Well he locked himself alone
Not behind locks or doors
But still in a way, that slowly, he didn't feel all the pain
All the pain that held him down
All the pain, he gave up to resist against, which slowly got him drowned
And nowadays everything could be easy and he wouldn't have to fear another bad day in bed
If it wasn't - for his third leg
Sadly, his past was filled with too many tears and too many screams
And so it comes, that by this day, he tries to make himself heal
Leak of Motivation
He returns home and dives in
Into a world, like the sea
Which pulls him down out of sight
Where it strangles him tight
A sea that's lacking the waves
One might wanna ride
A sea that's lacking joy, fun and hope
As it lays there silently, without a single source of light
No murmuring of the sea, that rushes him
No-one there, who's listening
Although some who actually might care today
Just too late - still too many obstacles in the way
Obstacles greater than high walls
Which he found and unwound
After long walks deep down his soul
Wounds, only one tries to heal
Solutions, only one started to seek
Salvation
Would be worth to him quite much
However sadly, it would only last
If he made an end to his surrounding pretty fast
And so he's caught in the suction of his sorrow
Lives through every day as if it were tomorrow
Cause he lives without perceiving
Since the past allowed itself to be stealing
His emotions, for which he nowadays is grieving
And the worst part of all that:
The past still is intact
Hidden and well kept
A bad feeling, though it's not in his forceful control
A behavior, of which he let go
Not even cause of pacifism, it just let him feel cold
This kind of furious anger, that overcame him
Following up the tantrum and noises and worst: the screaming
All of which, he wanted to abandon so bad
To never return to this life, he started to think in his head
But luckily, even that, he abandoned and repressed in the end
Like back then, it's the same way
He lays in his bed today
Letting thoughts cross his mind and wander around in his head
Until suddenly, with him, there's a boner in bed
And he doesn't really know, how he might change that fact
Until his hands type the word p-o-r-n in the web
All because until now he only learned to reflect, but never to talk
About problems, himself and all the aches which might shock
And therefore, back then something began
That even nowadays from day to day would get him overran
A feeling, like an octopus, clawing onto and into his synapses
Until only one goal echos in his brain
A violent demand screaming at him to come
And better be faster than a flixtrain in the fast lane
Up to the climax and even higher
Not even the zenith is what we desire
An orgasm is what we want to reach
And to do so, we need our tempo to increase
We want to culminate and lose us in the rush
And for that, we need the heat to be hotter, it needs to crush
For us to be able to rest on the top while we're getting ready to come
It gets hotter and steamy, we're so high up
Just seconds away from flying first class in the high mile club
Seconds away from finishing
Oh for god's sake, just shut up
Higher, faster, further
Always harder, larger, lustfuller
That's how the search entries increase
Whether you watch pornhub or just any of these
There is only one little difference these days:
The fun only lasts for 10 seconds today
Then all the joy is forgotten, all the dopamine and cum washed away
Back then he wanted to repress all his stress
Nowadays he feels suppressed while the aftereffects are taking his breath
The fun seriously got serious and this series continues till this day
An octopus, that for the last 6 years, has been painfully stuck to his brain
And his grip on life, he has lost long ago
Though he never gives up and tries to say no
Tries to convince his brain, to postpone all the fun
Although “Shut up and go, gotta get it done” often tends to be the final outcome
Blunted and inappropriately
He lets his desires go wild and free
Although knowing just fine, that his troubled resign
Won't brighten his mood, it won't make him feel good
Cause with impressive quickness
Pleasure seriously turned into an addictive sickness
And that's how he drowned, in a sea missing sound
Always holding out, not yet to be crushed
Always in search of the next higher rush
An endurance run, he won't be able to win
Cause with every end to it, there's a new addiction cycle yet to begin
And then he needs all his strength, to hold up his head
To not dive in deep and turn the shit off instead
And with substance relocation
To fantasy and admiration
Of pictures and finished written paper
He still can't detach from his past, can't make it disappear like vapor
Nevertheless, he remains expectant, though it's clear
His future doesn't seem so bright right here
Somethings gotta change, but he won't make it without aid
Maybe of sharing my story, I shouldn't be so afraid
And that's exactly what I'm doing here tonight
Breaking a taboo and hoping you wouldn't like it better if you stayed outside
Cause what follows is the moral of the story
And I'll tell you that, it's not all about renunciation, please don't worry
And so, what did I learn? From my past?
That I have to face it? Well I did that at last.
And although it's not that easy
When talking about even with one person doesn't feel right - up here on stage helps the light
I'm still glad to have done it today
Since I'm now allowed to give you a little message on your way
Many will have to face similar struggles
Maybe not with porn, but similarly uncomfortable topics
Topics, left alone dead silently not talked about in the sinking we call suffering
Where day by day they mistreat our poor existences gathering
Why aren't we treating this grievance today?
Why are there still so few acting up, who get in the way
We need to enlighten people and carefully explain
That we have to fight taboos - the source of all pain
Cause without them, many may enjoy a more pleasant time around
And maybe I could contribute to this condition getting better renown
Cause when the pressure exceeds its capacities
Don't order love on button press
Rather open up your souls
And tell each other what needs to be told
What it is, you had to fight
What inhibits you and burns in your inside
And for so long wanted to get out to the light
Cause this is the message
A taboo is always the point where it all began
From all this crap, always the point from which you have ran
And because of that: Get your word out, you're the best man
Thank you for reading!
You enjoyed reading this text and want to support me on my way?
